Money: Do we have to talk about it as a couple?

Short answer: yes. Here’s why it’s important for couples to both be involved in household finances.

When you are connected to someone in all the ways… this includes financially. It doesn’t matter how you decide you are going to manage everything: joint accounts or separate, When you are partnered with someone and living together, you are combining expenses, financial goals, incomes and are in a situation that you should be talking about money. This is also the case if only one person is earning an income. Both partners are involved in the spending and therefore saving and it should be a joint endeavor.

This comes very easily to some couples, but to many it does not. It can seem very intimidating and overwhelming to think about managing the household finances as a couple. And I know it can be tempting to delegate this responsibility to one partner. I’ve heard it all before…. You aren’t good with numbers, you know they are going to do a good job and you trust them, so what’s the big deal? Well, having both individuals involved and aware of what is going on can have benefits beyond the money..

Here are five reasons why it's important for both partners to be involved in household finances:

It can help you reach your financial goals more quickly: When you're both working towards the same financial goals, it’s much more likely to happen. This is because everyone is on the same page. You aren’t planning on saving for something and your partner is unaware and therefore not working towards that same goal. Or if you are wanting to pay off debt, you both can be working on that and support each other along the way.

It prevents financial arguments: When both partners know what’s going on with the finances, there are fewer misunderstandings and arguments. (and we’re all down for that, right??) Making sure there is clarity in your financial goals will keep you both on the same page. It is less likely you will argue about someone going over the budget on spending, when both of you know what the budget is and why.

Better communication and trust: Here we go talking about communication again–I swear it really is the foundation of a good relationship!--and this is true for your finances too. Being able to talk openly about our spending habits, financial goals and long term planning will help facilitate transparency and trust in your relationship. This minimizes the chances someone has debts or purchases that the other one doesn’t know about, which can lead to feelings of hurt and betrayal and reduces financial stress.

Joint Financial Goals: Every partnership includes shared goals and dreams. Managing your finances together helps both people feel involved in these goals and makes it more motivating to reach them together. Whether it is retirement, your next big trip, saving for a home, or making sure you can do the fun things you regularly do, making sure both of you are involved increases the likelihood of reaching these goals.

Being prepared for the unexpected: Life is unpredictable, and it is not uncommon for unexpected expenses to come up. Whether it’s a change in employment and unforeseen medical bill, when both of you have been involved in managing your finances, it makes it much easier to come together and be able to handle these surprises. Also, if something happens to one of you, the other is not unprepared and totally lost about the financial situation.

BONUS: It sets a great example for your kids. When they grow up knowing that finances are managed together, it sets that standard for them and gives them a head start understanding that it is a joint venture. Heck, involve the kids in budgeting and saving and really get them going in the right direction for their own future.

I know money can be such a hard topic for people and it can feel easier to just not talk about things, but managing finances together is a way to stay connected and build trust together. I recommend meeting at least once a month when things are more stable and weekly when the situation is less sure. It’s never too late to get both of you involved and on the same page about money.

If you are needing help talking about finances, communication in general or are in the midst of experiencing financial betrayal, a couples counselor can help. Learn more about couples counseling here.