Restore trust and rebuild your relationship

Infidelity Counseling

— Online across Texas, Virginia and Colorado —

Infidelity sends your whole life into a tailspin

Infidelity is about more than just the sex. It’s about the lies, the secrets and the manipulation. It strikes deep at the core of your trust and self-worth leaving you feeling shattered and vulnerable. It is a betrayal of the deepest kind that leaves you questioning everything about your relationship.

As the betrayed partner, you may have felt like you were going crazy before you found out and even more so after. You don’t feel like yourself and aren’t sure how to get that back. You feel like you can’t tell anyone because you’ll be judged for wanting to stay and try to make it work and that no one understands what you are going through. The idea of trusting again seems absolutely ridiculous. Maybe you’ve been to other therapists and feel like they just didn’t get what you’re saying. You feel devastated, lost and alone.

As the unfaithful partner, you may feel like now that it’s out in the open things should be easier to move forward. You might even feel better that it’s not a secret anymore. You love your partner and family and want to stay together and try to make things right again, but it’s turning out to be much harder than you thought. You don’t understand why your partner doesn’t get that the affair didn’t change how you feel about your family.

Infidelity has an effect on more than just you and your partner. It affects your relationship with your kids, your extended family, friends and work. It feel like the foundation of everything is suddenly unstable. For both partners it can feel like you can’t really show up as your true self in your other relationships and can be very isolating to try to go through this alone.   

How Marriage Counseling Can Help

I know it is hard to imagine now. Going through such a challenging experience can be incredibly tough, but couples therapy can help you through this extremely difficult situation and find a way to heal. Through this process I can help you and your partner:

  • process feelings: you are naturally going to have all kinds of emotions that will come up during this process. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment where both partners can express themselves and navigate this together.

  • forge a new path: you will need to figure out where your relationship is going to go post-discovery. I can help you stay in the direction you want to go as you overcome challenges and build new connection.

  • have better communication: one focus on couples therapy is learn how to communicate in a way that is effective and you can actually be heard. This is an essential skill in any relationship and especially in affair recovery. We can work together so you can practice communicating in a way that fosters being open and honest with each other, cultivating a deeper sense of connection.

  • establish new roles: this can be difficult after an affair because it’s easy to slip back into old ways which can easily lead to resentment and frustration. Therapy can help you navigate the new dynamics and responsibilities in your relationship that can help you move towards balance and fulfillment.

  • re-define boundaries: this can be difficult for both partners, and especially if it wasn’t something that was done before the affair. It is important though to learn how to establish healthy limits and expectations that promote respect and understanding.

Working with me

We will work together to help you both process the impact of the affair including feelings of betrayal, anger, hurt, confusion, shame, embarrassment and everything else that is coming up for each of you.

I will also help with concrete direction to guide you both through difficult situations that have to be navigated in a way that moves you toward repair and minimize further rupture.

This is a specific issue that is far from a normal fight couples have. I understand that and will work with you accordingly. Having a therapist that understands the specific relational dynamics of affair recovery and the very different experiences each of you are having is so important to be able to do this work effectively and to offer the support you need as you go through it.

Whether you end up staying together or not will be up to you to decide as you do the work and re-evaluate your relationship. I can help you learn how to make sense of what you are both really looking for moving forward. The old relationship cannot be recovered, but I can support you as you navigate how to heal and figure out what the new relationship will be.

Infidelity counseling for affair recovery can help you have more:

  • understanding and clarity: When you first discover that your partner has been unfaithful, your mind is filled with a whirlwind of emotions. It can be difficult to make sense of it all and understand what has happened. That's where therapy comes in – it provides a safe space for both of you to process everything that has happened and what it will look like to move forward.

  • rebuilding of trust: Infidelity shatters the foundation of trust in a relationship. Trust can take years to build, but it can be destroyed in an instant. Therapy can guide you and your partner in the process of rebuilding trust. Through open and honest communication, developing transparency, and practicing accountability, therapy provides the tools and support necessary for rebuilding trust, one brick at a time.

  • emotional healing: The emotional trauma caused by infidelity cannot be underestimated. The pain, anger, and resentment can feel overwhelming. Therapy can help you and your partner work through these intense emotions in a healthy and supportive setting. In therapy, you'll learn coping strategies to manage your emotions, process your feelings, and find ways to heal individually and together as a couple.

  • improved communication: Therapy provides a space where both partners can learn effective communication skills. Through active listening, empathetic responses, and clear expressions of thoughts and feelings, therapy helps you and your partner develop new ways of communicating. An improved communication style not only strengthens your relationship, it helps you redefine what your new relationship will look like.

  • a stronger, more resilient relationship: Believe it or not, with the right commitment and effort, infidelity can sometimes become the starting point for a stronger and more resilient relationship. I would never say that infidelity is a good thing, but I have seen both partners come out feeling like their relationship is stronger and more satisfying.

Maybe you still have questions about infidelity counseling…

—Do people actually get counseling for infidelity? Everyone I know says I should just leave…

Honestly, I’m sure many people do tell you you should just leave. (Or maybe you haven’t told anyone because you are too ashamed) I have heard this from so many women (and some men)… “What does it say about me if I stay?” “I’ve even been the one to tell my friends they should leave when this happened to them and now here I am….” It is such a difficult situation and I know that many people feel that way—until they are in it themselves—and then everything looks different. The short answer is yes, many people get help after infidelity and try to work on the relationship and very often the relationship is better than it was before after you get the help you need.

—Is couples counseling for infidelity going to make things worse by talking about it all the time?

Great question…. the answer is absolutely not, it will not make things worse. What makes things worse after infidelity is

  • pretending it didn’t happen

  • creating a wall between you that you both know is there, but don’t dare bring it up

  • not acknowledging the feelings of pain, betrayal and anger that you are feeling and hoping it all just goes away

I promise, it does not go away by itself. The way to get through it though and have the possibility of saving the relationship is to have a safe space to talk about it, process everything you are both experiencing and figuring out what your new relationship looks like. This is where I can help.

It’s possible to have trust and connection again

Frequently Asked Questions

  • A: I get it. You may be going through a very tough time right now and aren’t sure which way things are going to go. Many couples stay together after infidelity and certainly some don’t. Therapy for this issue can help you work towards repairing the relationship or learn how to separate amicably if that is what you decide.

  • A: I work with all kinds of couples including married, long term partnerships and LGBTQ couples.

  • A: Even if you are living in different places, you can still get the help you are wanting online. I use a video platform that allows for multiple users in different locations.

  • A: All sessions are private pay. Sessions are $140 and 50 minutes each.

  • A: Yes, it definitely can be. It is such a hard situation and will not be easy for either partner. But if the goal is to make it work and find a new way forward, it can absolutely happen. I know that is hard to imagine now, and I can tell you you will not come out with the same relationship. Together though, we can work to help you process everything that is going on and move forward to a better place.